Some people equate sex with intimacy, but that is not true. Being intimate is the result of a variety of behaviors that cause the individual to be one with the other person, place or thing. It is a feeling of connectedness, and it indicates to a person that they are care of and safe. You are not alone in this world.
Freud stated that, after birth, we spend a lifetime trying to get back into the womb. In the womb you don’t just perform acts of intimacy, you feel it throughout your being. You can actually feel her love as opposed to being shown her love.
At the beginning of most couple’s relationships, they start in a euphoric state called the honeymoon period. This period can last for a few days or go on for years. Regardless of how long the relationship lasts, it comes to an end and you are left with reality.
Now just a warning: having a relationship is not easy. You have to work at keeping it fresh and alive through intimacy. Once again you may have to work at the relationship so intimacy forms and builds. It is something you build upon over time. It takes an effort to keep the spark alive.
Without intimacy, relationships tend to lack feelings and emotions. With all the knowledge I have on intimacy, how could I have end up in relationships that lacked intimacy when all of the signs pointed to it?
I held hands with my girlfriend as we walked down the sidewalks of Manhattan. I held my girlfriend while watching television and we even went on romantic vacations.
Well, holding hands is only a behavior! It is our perceptions that define our beliefs of each other’s motive for holding hands. Maybe for one or both partners, holding hands has become nothing more than routine. It is not the actual holding of each other’s hand that makes it an intimate act but the intent behind it.
For example: When a mother holds a child’s hand while crossing the street, she is doing it out of safety, not intimacy.
Now don’t try this at home but most drugs stop intimacy in its tracks. The addicted individual is more interested in the drug including alcohol than you. They tend to lack motivation and are detached from reality. Motivation and emotional connectedness is a vital part of intimacy. Most drugs reduce both of these, causing a lack of intimacy in a relationship.
In the end, for intimacy to exist in a relationship (the connection that holds a relationship together), you both must want it over life’s distractions. Be willing to let your defenses drop and open your heart and mind to that special someone in your life.
Eliot LeBow, LCSW, CDE, is a diabetes-focused psychotherapist. His private practice, located in New York City and is also available via Skype. LeBow, who has been living with type 1 diabetes since 1977, treats the many diverse cognitive, behavioral, and emotional needs of people living with type 1 and type 2 diabetes.
All the advice included in this blog is therapeutic in nature and should not be considered medical advice. Before making any changes to your diabetes maintenance program, please consult with your primary physician or endocrinologist.